At Doublelist, we are proud supporters of the one-night stand. We’re all about you finding what you want, finding out what you want, and finding someone (or someones) to help you out with that.
The etiquette of the NSA hookup isn’t set in stone. There’s a great reason for that—when you’re having sex for the fun of it, it’s all about preference. But at times we complicate things by behaving like we’ve done (or hypocritically, like the other person has done) something “dirty.” Or we fail to communicate our boundaries, or to respect the other person’s.
All that leads to is something we at Doublelist are firmly against: bad sex. So here’s our take. We hope you read it and keep things sexy for everyone.
Just because it’s a one-and-done doesn’t mean the sex has to be mediocre. Tell them what names you like to be called, how rough you do or don’t like it, what positions are best for you, whether or not they can stay over—anything that will create the optimum experience for you. Will you be 100% on the same page? Maybe not, but you can both still have an orgasm. The catch is, if they don’t tell you their own preferences, you should ask. It’s respectful and it will also lead to much better sex.
A true sexual adventurer like yourself would never be naïve. If you're going to a stranger's home (or someone who was recently a stranger), be careful. Tell one or two people where you’re going and what you’re doing. Set a time and shoot them a text to check in. Consider keeping an eye on your drink. Trust your gut—if you feel uneasy at all, there’s no reason you need to go home with this person. Politely fucking someone isn’t the kind of polite you need to be. Love yourself! You have so many options! If you’re taking them to your place, don’t assume you’re in the clear either. And never be afraid to kick someone out of bed if you need to.
Have you seen the movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall? The main character Peter hooks up a little too soon after a break up, and starts crying seconds after the sex is over. Do. Not. Do that to yourself. If you feel stressed out, awkward, down on yourself, and in your head, sometimes sex can help you out with that (a little). But sometimes (often) it only makes it worse. Only you know what works for you. Drinking or getting high to get over the jitters is just as likely to affect your “performance” as it is to boost your confidence. It also leaves you vulnerable to people who want to disregard your boundaries or steal your wallet. When you’re feeling great, that’s when you’ll have the best time having a one-night-stand, and great sex only helps the feeling last longer.
Make sure you do absolutely everything you can to protect yourself from STIs, STDs, and pregnancy. You will be exposed to STDs and some point. For some reason, people love to lie to themselves about this. As well as believing in fun, commitment-free sex, we also believe in not being an idiot. We’re sure a lot of wonderful people have been the product of a one-night stand, but we doubt you’re doing this hoping to become a parent. If you come prepared, there’s no way you’ll have to stop everything to run to the drugstore for condoms. A lot of people will tell you it doesn’t feel as good with a condom. Whether or not that’s true (seriously, just buy better condoms at a sex toy store or online), if you genuinely don’t want to use protection, there are a lot of great ways to get off that will mitigate or even eliminate the risks.
And make sure the other person does as well. Don’t hurt your own feelings by assuming you’re about to set off on a romantic adventure. You deserve basic respect, but you don’t deserve a follow-up dinner date, or even a follow-up text. You’re an adult, so know what you’re getting yourself into.
There’s no reason you can’t have sex with a friend, but take care of the friendship. If you’re good friends with someone and you want to take them home, treat them like what they are: a friend. Be respectful, communicate clearly. If you’re hooking up with a good friend or someone in an emotionally vulnerable state, even if you make sure they understand the terms, there’s a chance they’re going to totally ignore them. We’ve seen it happen enough that we think it’s just human nature. So if you think this person is secretly looking for something more, assume you’re right. We said it before—love yourself! You have so many options!
Beer goggles are real! It's not just about making sure that you sleep with someone you're genuinely, physically attracted to, either. You also want to make sure that you're sober enough to make a clear, rational decision – you want to stay entirely in the realm of consensual sex. If the other person isn’t sober, the sex might not be consensual. In many states knowingly having sex with someone in an inebriated state is considered assault, and those laws exist for a reason.
Besides, the clearer a head you have, the better head you’re going to give.
Be real, you know it’s a dick move. If you are going to leave before they get up, say so. If you don’t want to stay the night, tell them so, and then go home. It’s not that you’re doing anything wrong by leaving, but sneaking out communicates that you’re ashamed of something. We’re never for having sex you’d feel embarrassed for having in the morning.
You deserve it.
Ready to give it a shot? Find a hook-up near you.
And please, tell us how it goes.
