Preparing for Your First Bisexual Experience as a Man

Unfortunately for many newly-fledged bisexual men, the basics of sex between men remain grossly misrepresented in mainstream media. According to many, bisexuality doesn't even exist. But based on the number of bisexual men on Doublelist alone, we can prove that wrong. Worse still, the gap in knowledge is compounded by the disturbing lack of LGBT sex education in schools – leaving many men who'd like to have sex with other men in the dark when it comes to approaching their first time. Well, it’s about time someone did something about it. Hopefully this article will provide some clarity and some much-needed attention.

How do I know if I'm ready?

If you've thought about men in sexual way, or if you've ever found yourself drawn to a penis, you're probably good-to-go on the desire part. However, having sex with anyone also requires physical maturity and emotional readiness as well. The experience of having sex with a man isn't much different than with a woman or anyone for that matter. Men come in all shapes and forms, habits, energy levels, toughness, and desires. So you'll likely have a varied experience based on who you're with. Its never a bad idea to tell your partner that its your first time, and its also a good idea to go very slow. If at any point you feel like its a bit overwhelming or too new, feel free to stop. You can always come back to this later. There is no rush, and you should always go at your own pace.

How do I know if I’m a top or bottom?

If you’ve hung out on hookup apps, you might have noticed words like 'top,' 'bottom,' and 'versatile.' Well, to get you quickly acquainted with the terminology related to sex with men, here are some helpful definitions:

• Top – A 'top' is the active partner in anal sex; this person does the penetrating.
• Bottom – A 'bottom' is the receptive partner; this person receives penetration.
• Versatile – Someone who’s versatile enjoys both topping and bottoming in the right scenario or with the right person.
• Power bottom – A 'power bottom' is someone who, despite receiving the penetration, controls the position, pace, and depth of the sexual exchange.

You’re not expected to know which one of the above you identify with when you’re a beginner; you should experience both topping and bottoming to figure out what your preference is.

Does bottoming mean I'm 'more gay'?

No, bottoming does not mean you're 'gayer.' Maybe the concept of being 'more gay' is uncomfortable for you, or you don't want to be labeled as gay at all, but here's what you need to hear: there's nothing wrong with being gay. Truly. If you don't believe that, give it time, spend as much time as you can with the LGBTQ+ community – it'll come to you. Some people like to bottom because they simply like they way it feels, or they like the idea of not being in as much control. It doesn't mean anything about sexuality.

Also, there's no need to label every sexual act of yours. It's just sex – if it feels good, do it. Don't sweat being 'anything', instead, relax and enjoy yourself.

How do I prepare to top?

Unless your sexual partner is a power bottom, as the penetrator during sex, you’re expected to lead the sexual journey. For a mutually satisfying experience to take place, you need to ensure that the bottom is well taken care of. Here’s how:

• Don’t shove it in – After spending hours cleaning their 'man caves' out for you, there's nothing bottoms hate more than wham-bam moments. Draw out the entire experience with foreplay. Stimulate his whole body with touches and kisses with varying pressures.
• Go slow at first – Once you’re in, don’t immediately start pounding like a machine (unless your bottom specifically asks for it). The sphincter’s natural state is typically closed tight, which means you need to go slow till he gets used to the rhythm. You should only speed up when he relaxes, gets comfortable, and starts to enjoy your cock. Don’t forget to lube up!
• Pull out occasionally – You must pull out sometimes to see if everything is alright with your bottom's butt; if you notice any signs of blood, please stop immediately, his rectal lining might be torn.
• Don’t be afraid to use toys – You don’t have to stick your dick in throughout anal play; a lot of fun can be had from toys, too! Plugs, dildos, balls, and other objects, can all be included as an intensely erotic part of your sex.

How do I prepare to bottom?

• Train your butt – Learn to enjoy the sensation of your ass opening and stretching. Get yourself a small butt plug – no larger than 1 inch in diameter – and get comfortable with gently pulling it in and out of your anus. Once it starts feeling enjoyable, try a slightly bigger butt plug. Gradually build speed and size, and above all else, focus on enjoying the sensations.
• Find a cleaning regimen – If you're worried that accidents might happen because, you know, ass play, you can douche (use water to flush out the lower part of your rectum) before bottoming. But if you're not a big fan of douching, you can always pay extra attention to what you eat a week before you have sex. If you eat a diet high in fiber and low in red meat, your poop will hold together nicely, meaning you'll pass it out cleanly from your rectum.
• Be an active participant – Be vocal about your needs. Do you need your top to go harder? Faster? This feedback will enable your top to serve you better, elevating the entire experience for you both. Also, just because you're being penetrated doesn't mean you can lie there motionless, doing nothing (unless your top is into that). Move to meet his thrusts. Show enthusiasm. Let him know how much you’re enjoying his cock; it’ll drive him crazy for sure.

How do I protect myself from catching any STIs?

No sexual conversation is complete without talking about protection. Its not always the sexiest topic, but its essential, so listen up. To prevent HIV infection always use a condom, you also can take PreP, a once-a-day pill, which reduces your chances of contracting HIV. As for other STIs such as chlamydia, syphilis, and gonorrhea, be sure always to use condoms when having sex.

Must penetration be involved?

No, of course not. To limit oneself to just anal penetration is to shut out a smorgasbord of new experiences. You can try out oral sex and jerking each other off. Not only are they less complicated, but they can also be as pleasurable as anal sex!

Here’s how you can blow your partner’s mind in the absence of penetration:

• Blowjob – Once you’ve got the basic technique of sliding your mouth up and down his penis, you can add some spice into it by incorporating different techniques like tugging at his balls, flicking his frenulum with your tongue, and even moaning while he’s in your mouth. Also, remember that you don’t have to keep licking his dick; you can place your tongue on every inch of his body!

• Jerking each other of – Just as you've undoubtedly pleasured yourself in the past, don't be afraid to apply pressure and lube to his penis. The pressure will be necessary to create the much-needed sensations to get him off. Once you've got him in a firm grasp, do better than just moving your hand up and down. Here are a few techniques to blow his mind (and load):
  
  
  • Piano fingers: Tap up and down along the underneath side of his shaft, as though you’re playing the piano.
  • The love tunnel: Stroke in a hand-over-hand rhythm; as soon as one of your hands caresses the head of the penis, the next one should already be making its way up to his shaft. It’ll seem like a never-ending stimulation to him.
  • Sausage wrap: Turn your hand upside down, so your thumb is towards the base of his penis, and stroke as per usual. This technique will give him an entirely different and novel feeling.

What about the end?

Well, just like any other sexual experience, you'd probably want to make sure your partner had a good time. Ideally, both of you had an orgasm and enjoyed yourselves. The ending doesn't need to be a special goodbye or an awkward get away. Do what feels right. If the experience was so-so, thats ok. At least you learned what you like and don't. If the experience was great, well, maybe you should schedule another time to meet!

So, there you go! You have all the knowledge you need to get in the bed with a man of your choice. Most of the time, you won't know what you like in sex unless you try it, so make sure you find a partner who's willing to experiment with you. And above all else, enjoy your sex life as much as you can – while still playing safe, so you can continue to enjoy it time and time again.