You're finishing up a hot date with the cutie you've been sexting for months. The sexual tension has been off the charts all night, and both of you can't wait to go at it like animals in bed. Finally, you’re in your room and all over each other. It’s your first thrust in –it’s slippery, warm, wet, and overwhelmingly amazing. Despite desperately trying to savor the experience, you don’t make it to the second thrust. You blow your load. If that sounds like how your sexual encounters usually pan out, you may be suffering from premature ejaculation.
Crucially, know that you're not alone. As many as 30% of men (globally) say they've experienced it at some point in their lives. And here's more good news: there are many substantive solutions to the problem you face. Continue reading to understand what premature ejaculation is, and find out how you can prevent yourself from firing too soon.
Sex therapists and medical professionals generally define premature ejaculation as the inability to delay ejaculation after 1 – 2 minutes of sexual activity (on average, men ejaculate around 7.3 minutes). Ejaculation can also be considered 'premature' when a man finishes sooner when getting it on than he or his partner would like.
There are two types of premature ejaculation:
A well-fitted penis ring placed around your dick when having sex can act as a mild tourniquet. It helps keep the blood that’s already flowed into the penis and maintains your erections for longer to delay your journey to the finishing line. Ideally, you should get yourself a penis ring that can snugly fit all of your manhood – your dick and balls, both. Look for one that's constructed from stretchy material or adjustable with straps. And while they're a temporary toy to have in the throes of passion, you never want to leave it on for more than 20 minutes, lest you restrict too much blood to your nether regions.
The stop-start strategy is what it sounds like: when you're having sex, you start thrusting, then stop, and only start again after giving yourself some time to cool off and prevent ejaculation. This approach may sound overly simplistic, but the truth is that it works. The Encyclopedia of Clinical Psychology recommends it as a preferred therapy technique, and studies show that it results in short-term symptomatic benefits in 45 – 65% of men!
You can practice the stop-start strategy with your partner, or when you're pleasuring yourself. When you feel yourself close to 'the point of no return,' stop the stimulation to your penis and take a break. Over time, you'll be better able to tune in to your body and train yourself to hold back from coming until everyone is satisfied.
Right before peaking, you or your partner can try squeezing either the head or the base of your penis reasonably hard for a couple of seconds, until the urge to ejaculate begins to subside.
The pressure applied to your penis disrupts the reflex that leads to cumming, so you can carry on pounding for a few more minutes. You can delay orgasm several times using the squeeze technique – allowing yourself to perform for extended periods during sex.
Sometimes, just using a thicker condom is enough to desensitize you enough to improve your sexual stamina. But if that trick has lost its magic, you can also try condoms that come with desensitizing agents, such as lidocaine or prilocaine, to make the love last longer.
You can also consider other topical treatments, such as gels, creams, and sprays, designed to dull penile sensitivity. If you do opt for this option, though, be sure only to use these desensitizing products under a condom – you don't want to dull your partner’s sensations when they don’t want, nor need it.
It's also about sexual safety. You want your partner to feel everything that's going on when you're thrusting in and out so they can immediately let you know if anything is hurting, so you can stop before you tear something of theirs.
Your pubococcygeal (PC) muscles of the pelvic floor help control ejaculation. Strengthening them with Kegel exercises can help result in heightened ejaculatory control and make you last longer in bed. For help isolating these muscles, try cutting off the flow of urine the next time you’re mid-pee. That’s the precise feeling you want when activating your PC muscles.
Once you're familiar with how you can expand and contract your PC muscles, tighten and hold for a count of 10, then release. And that's it – you've successfully done a Kegel! Now, practice in sets of ten. The beauty of this exercise is that you can do it discreetly so that you can work on your sexual stamina practically anywhere.
When you’re the one taking charge of the speed, intensity, and depth of thrusting, it’s easy to get lost in the heat of the moment and sprint like Usain Bolt to your finishing line. Relinquish the control to your partner – let them take the reins on rhythm and depth.
An excellent sex position to try out is the 'partner on top,' where your partner straddles you while on top. Whenever you’re getting close, your partner can lean forward a bit more to make the penetration less deep, so you’re less stimulated and prone to blowing your load.
Another fantastic option is the 'side to side,' where you're face-to-face with your partner, and they wrap their top leg around your waist. From here, you can guide your penis into their vagina or anus. Tricky to maneuver into, yes, but once you're in, penetration isn't too deep, which gives you more time to enjoy the warmth of your partner and the act of sex.
If you've tried all of the techniques above, and you're still ejaculating sooner than you'd like, you can seek the assistance of a certified sex therapist or a medical professional to figure out a suitable solution for you. Depending on your type and cause of premature ejaculation, you may be prescribed selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), anesthetic creams, or even behavioral therapy to get to the root of your psychological concerns about sex.
Ultimately, you need to know that most cases of premature ejaculation are fixable. There’s no need to worry if you pop off too early consistently, or maybe just occasionally. Should you persevere with whichever treatment option you choose, you’ll find that you’ll be able to hold your horses soon enough. And in the process, you might just come to realize the countless other ways you could pleasure your partner – without putting your dick in them.
