Knowing what to expect and being prepared can do wonders. Fortunately, with preparation and communication, hot threesomes can easily take place in reality. Ahead, read about the nine tips that’ll help you have the threesome of your dreams.
If you're going to do a threesome, everyone involved should be connecting with all parties somewhat equally – no one should be made to feel like they're third-wheeling the other two. No matter what, there needs to be mutual attraction before the three of you get under the sheets. Not a single person should feel guilted or coerced into it.
To avoid the situation where someone will feel extraneous when things are getting hot and heavy, it's best if the three of you go on a date and hang out with each other before sleeping together. This way, you can get a feel of the chemistry – both sexually and emotionally – between the three of you. If sparks don't fly in all directions, you can take it as a sign that the dynamic in bed wouldn’t be rewarding, either. But most importantly, realize that watching is part of the experience.
Before you engage in a threesome with a significant other, talk about it (a lot). Both in bed and out of it. Then take that conversation to your third. You all need to discuss and create boundaries before taking each other’s clothes off. Don’t want your butt hole played with in any way? Announce it to the group. Everyone needs to be clear about what the other two don’t want during the experience.
Once the sex starts, you might be so turned on that you'll want to toss all the rules out the window, but don't – sticking to your boundaries will help prevent post-threesome regret. Because if you're having a great time, you're going to want to make sure you can do this again. It's also an excellent idea to establish safe words, so everyone involved has an easy way of opting out of an uncomfortable situation or stopping the threesome altogether.
For better or worse, there’ll be moments where the other two will be preoccupied with pleasuring each other that you’ll have nothing much to do. But hey, don’t worry about being left out of the experience too much. Alternating between two partners is an incredibly thrilling and arousing experience, so you’re bound to get your turn. Also, get creative and stay in the moment. There's no reason to sit quietly, unless that's what's getting you off. You can't expect all the attention to go to one person, unless that's what you all agreed on.
Think of the word ‘sex,’ and does your mind conjure up images of people getting penetrated – some way, somehow? Well, you might be surprised to hear this, but you don’t need to ‘go all the way’ to explore the intense sensations and erotic potential of three naked bodies in bed together. Sex can mean many different things.
Consider taking your first step into threesomes by agreeing to stick to non-penetrative sex. For many people, but especially straight couples, penetrative sex often comes with a deeper feeling of intimacy. Then, if this 'starter' threesome experience works for you both emotionally and physically, you can always go further the next time around.
Just because you set ground rules before having sex, doesn't mean that communication stops the moment the three of you get down on one another. If anyone feels uncomfortable at any point, before and during sex, listen and speak up. Perhaps, before the threesome, you agreed that you could be penetrated with either a penis or strap-on, but you're not realizing that you're not ready for it, after all. If you have trouble advocating for yourself in the bedroom, or suspect that your partner has this problem, don't proceed until you feel comfortable.
Also, if you expect your wishes and desires to be respected by the other two parties involved, then you’ll need to be receptive to their feedback as well. That's the basis of excellent communication.
The temptation to overindulge in alcohol before getting it on is understandable. But, in all honesty, you should steer clear of that third glass of wine. Not only can being intoxicated make it more difficult for dicks to get hard and cause vaginal dryness, but you being drunk lowers your inhibitions, which can mean breaking your pre-set boundaries. It also enhances irrational feelings like jealousy, and that's how one of you ends up crying in the shower.
With so many limbs involved, there can be a ton of tentativeness and hesitation when taking part in a threesome. To avoid that awkward lull where all three of you are staring at each other, naked, and not sure what to do next, you’d best have a few positions you’d like to try in mind. This way, you can take charge and get things moving once again.
Everybody loves a giver. When the other 2 people see that you're ok with helping them have fun together, they enjoy doing it with you so much more. Great sex is a balance of giving and selfishness. So don't be afraid and gently vocalize what you want to see them do, or even facilitate some stuff. It will make the experience so much better.
Threesomes can be an emotionally-charged experience. You need to understand that all three of you participating in a threesome have emotions that can't be completely predicted. You don't want someone's feelings to be hurt. Always be explicit about what you expect from a threesome and ensure that all parties are aware. Are you only looking for hot sex? Or something more, like extra-relationship emotional connection? These are the questions you'll want to have answers for before jumping into bed.
When you open a sexual door, emotions may creep in – what are you going to do if you catch feelings for each other? Instead of denying that possibility, think about what that would be like, and what you would do about it.
Threesomes can make you feel like a sex god(ess). And like all sexual experiences, sometimes they're a dud. If that happens, don't take it personally, and don't be afraid to explore your fantasy with someone else down the road.
Ready to give it a shot? Start looking for unicorns (and couples) near you.
And please, tell us how it goes.
