Worried your go-to moves are getting repetitive? A quick make-out, nipple action, three seconds of oral play, and bam – penetration. Sounds boring? It probably is, and not just for one of you. You need better foreplay.
Want to know how to pull off a five-star opening act? We have your answers..
Foreplay is any 'erotic stimulation preceding sexual intercourse,’ according to Webster’s. That means foreplay can be anything (and everything) that turns you on. Foreplay means different things to different people. Think about it: do you really think you have the same fetishes as Gary in accounting? For some, foreplay involves flirting and teasing in non-verbal ways, while for others, it involves erotic touch, oral sex, watching porn together, anal beads—you get the picture.
Though the word itself implies that it's an act that occurs right before sex (or whatever the main event looks like for you), the full scope of foreplay goes way beyond that. In reality, the edges of foreplay bleed into every domain of life. It begins long before you get naked. Sexting with your partner is foreplay; gently stroking your partner's thighs in the morning is foreplay. Anything you do that communicates arousal and desire is foreplay.
If sex is about a release of tension – the beautiful moment of orgasm – then foreplay is about building that tension higher and higher so the climax will be more explosive. Think of foreplay as shaking a bottle of Coke for a long time – with enough hand action, and it's going to blow the moment you take the lid off. Isn't sex more gratifying - even mind-blowing - when you have to wait to get there? When you're so horny it hurts? Foreplay, not penetration, not even the pursuit of an orgasm, is the main ingredient for extraordinary and pleasurable sex. It adds to the full erotic experience by ramping up the anticipation. If your sex partner is a woman, foreplay is probably way more important than size, or even “the motion in the ocean.” Without foreplay, only 25% percent of women will have an orgasm at all.
#1 – Start early
Foreplay is all about anticipation, so you shouldn't begin foreplay only a few minutes before you're hoping to have sex. The earlier you start, the more sexual tension and energy you'll build up. Whether it's sexy texts throughout the day, stolen kisses while you're doing errands, a discreet foot job under the table during lunch, foreplay can start well before the main event. Tease your partner throughout the entire day for extra heat. The more you play with each other, the more likely you are to spontaneously rip each other’s clothes off later.
#2 – Dirty talk
Lots of good foreplay moves are physical – licks, kisses, and nibbles included. But that doesn't mean that you can ignore the psychological component of arousal. So, how do you turn your partner on mentally? With words, of course. And that's where dirty talk comes in. Now, if all the knowledge you have of dirty talk comes from porn videos, do a hard reset; dirty talk is not all about using the dirtiest and nastiest language you know on your partner. Instead, it's more about bringing his or her wildest fantasies to life through words. You don't have to be a wordsmith to be good at dirty talk, either. Relax, all you need to do is tell your partner what you enjoy, why they turn you on, and what you want to do to them. That being said, a lot of people do have specific things they like to hear in bed. Want to know what gets your partner going? Ask. Easy.
#3 – Learn how to kiss (sensually)
Don’t look down on kissing just because you’ve been doing it since you were 14 (or maybe younger)! As a teenager, weren’t you incredibly horny? If you do it with intensity and passion, kissing can be insanely hot. To make your regular, PG-13 kisses into steamy, R-21 ones, you can get a little more aggressive. Here’s how:
#4 – Touch your partner all over
The human body is literally covered with sensitive nerve-endings. Use them. Explore every inch of your partner's body – genitals and nipples are not the only erogenous zones. Gently run your hands over their stomachs, arms, and legs. You may discover a surprising spot – say, behind the knees – that makes your partner writhe and groan in a way you've never seen before. Exciting, isn't it? It also illustrates a really important point about foreplay: it’s not about performance, it’s about having a physical experience. You’re both way less likely to be in your heads about “how you’re doing” if you’re focused on what sex is really about: having fun.
#5 – Try oral
Once things are heating up, move below the belt and get down on your partner. Oral sex is one of the greatest (and most orgasmic) ways to give and receive pleasure—so great that for some, oral is the main event. You don’t just have to focus on the clit or the penis. There are plenty of other places to entertain while your tongue is getting busy. Keep things fresh and exciting by heading for the perineum, the area between the genitals and the anus. Or, if you’re more adventurous, why not indulge your partner in some good old anal play?
#6 – Explore kinks
If you don't know what a kink is, it's any sexual activity or desire that falls outside the culturally sanctioned norms. What’s culturally normal these days? Hard to say. For some, it’s everything that's not penis-in-vagina, missionary sex with the end goal of making babies. But in some circles, rim jobs come standard. Who knows—for you, the “old-fashioned way” could be a sexy, inside-out roleplay—it could be hot! Sex is meant to be for everyone to enjoy. So, if you're trying to spice up your sexual pregame, be sure to engage in some kink exploration – kinky sex can intensify your connection, desire, and orgasm! To get started, explore some common kinks: roleplay, dominance or submission fantasies, exhibitionism/ voyeurism—but don’t be afraid to be creative. Once you’ve discovered a kink that “works” for you, you might want to find some more.
#7 – Don’t shy away from toys
Don't be afraid of busting out the sex toys during foreplay; they can heighten pleasure and enhance the sexual connection between you and your partner. And besides, like any new sexual territory, they encourage an open discussion of desires, boundaries, and sexual expectations – setting up the stage for a mutually pleasurable experience. If you're new to the world of sex toys, don't worry – you have many options, and many toys can be used both internally and externally. Options to explore include vibrators, cock rings, and butt plugs. One of our favorite forms of foreplay? An adult trip to the toy store.
#8 – Ask your partner what he or she likes
You want to be good at foreplay to better please your partner. The best way to figure out how is to (drumroll please...) ask. The best moves are the ones your partner loves the most, so in our view, asking comes standard. Always ask. That small moment of vulnerability gives you the confidence to know you're doing the right thing the next time you get frisky. And the next time, and the next time, and the next time. Pretty worth it, no?
And that’s it – 8 simple tips to bring your foreplay game to the next level. Obviously, this is just kindling to help get the fire started. Once you gain momentum, you’ll become a real foreplay visionary! Look forward to that.
