Going to a sex club for the first time is nerve-wracking to say the least, especially given how nervous we were to go to the regular club for the first time (at a perfectly legal age). And for most of us, it’s not so easy to get it up when we’re nervous, which seems like it would ruin the party.
A girl we know dropped into a lesbian sex party on a whim. The number of naked women and the very powerful hitachis they were using was so overwhelming, she literally ran out the door. To spare you a similar fate, here are 10 tips you need to know before indulging in one of your greatest fantasies.
Sex clubs are more plentiful than most people think – especially if you live in a medium-to-large city - it doesn't take a lot of googling to find the details. Or feel free to post here and ask around. Your local sex shop might also have information on events and parties. Many clubs are literally clubs—they’ll require you to fill out an application and may ask you to provide references from other club members. It might sound like a hassle, but one of the most common anxieties people have about going to a sex club is who will be there. Membership mitigates the possible risks.
If you're intrigued by a sex club but can't find the information you want on its website, reach out to the organizers. The organizers’ priority is for you to have a really good time, after all, so they’ll walk you through everything you need to know. If you get a bad vibe from the organizers, then you know which club to avoid.
How can you tell the difference between a good sex club and a bad one? Take a look at their guidelines. They should have clear rules of play, a.k.a. club etiquette. If you don’t tell people what the rules are, you don’t have rules. And you can also see which clubs have the right kind of rules for you. Some let stags join the fun, others require single men to bring a date. Some encourage bisexual men to participate, others like to keep their distance. Make sure a find a spot that works for you.
There’s no need to pressure yourself to do anything before you’re mentally ready. You don’t have to try anything and everything just because you’re there. We recommend keeping some of these questions in mind before you go:
Most sex clubs will provide condoms and lube, but don’t you want to make sure you have the best lube and that your condoms haven’t passed their expiration date? Besides, there are plenty of people with allergies to latex and silicone—bringing some hypoallergenic alternatives will ensure you can get down with anyone who’s down with you. (This is probably not the place to ride bareback—some clubs go as far as to require members to be tested, but that doesn’t mean people are truly disease-free.) Depending on what you’re into consider bringing gloves, dental dams, maybe a few toys or props (as long as they’re permitted).
It can be awkward to be alive, so don’t expect the sex club to be any different. Yes, it can indeed be ridiculously hot. But just like any party, you can also end up trapped in conversation with someone who only wants to talk about Radiohead.
The sex-positive community draws people from all walks of life and all kinds of turn-ons (that’s kinda the whole point). Not everyone or every situation is going to be your thing. Say no to whoever you want to say no to, and expect the same.
Just watching is a great way to get a feel for the place. Actually, going without the expectation to play can make you more comfortable playing. In most clubs watching is encouraged. Some clubs have private rooms available to people who don’t want the whole party looking at them—don’t follow anyone to their room without asking.
As we said, a date isn’t a requirement at every club, but we’d venture to guess it increases the chances that you’ll get laid, no? That is, unless you're a single woman, of course, in which case you'd be a unicorn—your only problem will probably be how often people approach you. Single guys can be deemed as threatening, so you might find it easier to play when you enter as a couple. That said, clubs that encourage MMF combinations (for bisexual men) are easier for stags to get into.
Whoever your date is, talk about your boundaries. The more emotionally involved you are, the more specific you’ll have to be. Regardless, most people who go to a sex club or swinger’s event for the first time say they were more jealous than they expected. So ask each other:
As always, if you’re going to drink, don’t plan on driving yourself home. It’s always a great idea to get a nearby hotel room (there are more than a few clubs attached to adult resort hotels).
You could shower and show up in nothing but a trench coat and you’d probably be a huge hit. Some clubs have “costume” nights, so check the club’s event calendar to see if you’ll be showing up to a theme night. Obviously, costumes tend to be on the sexy side. Get as glam as you want, but it’s by no means a requirement. Occasionally, clubs will have a dress code—they’ll let you know if they do.
