Sex did not just get fun in the 1960s. That “back massager”of your grandma’s? Sorry kid, that was a hitachi. (Granted, their sex toys might not have been made from the finest, medical-grade silicone, but they still got the job done.)
While you might still be reeling from the mental imagery of your ancestors getting it on, isn’t there a tiny part of you that’s curious about the origins of sex toys?
Given that the oldest known dildo–a 7.8-inch stone behemoth discovered in Germany–dates back 26,000 years, it seems dildos are older than religion, matrimony, and civilization, combined! Of course, back in the day, humans crafted dildos from whatever resources they had. Stones and bones, marble and metal, and (this one surprised us too) even bread.
One of the ancient Greeks’ recorded sexual practices is the usage of olisbokollix, otherwise known as . . . dildos made entirely of baguettes. Now that’s having a good time on a budget.
Judging from how sleek cock rings are nowadays, you may be surprised that they used to be made from a goat's eyelid–with eyelashes still attached for the, um, pleasure of the person being penetrated. Some historians date this sexual practice to the Jing and Song dynasties in China. But according to a fascinating book of anthropology published in 1935, it might also have occurred in the Indonesian islands.
Either way, we’re willing to bet you’re no longer able to look at a goat the same way–ever again.
You can trace the invention of the modern sex dolls back to the Dutch in the 17th century. As an empire of traders and sailors, many men spent most of their adult lives at sea–as you can imagine, being away from the pleasures of the flesh for months at a time is challenging. So these hornballs dreamed up some imaginative solutions.
Of which, one idea was to sew together old rags and clothes into the shape of a woman. These early sex dolls had different names: 'Dutch wives' in English, 'dame de voyage' in French, and 'dama de viage’ in Spanish. But they all, essentially, meant the same thing and solved the same issue.
Even though vibrators are widely accepted in society these days (we’re sure they’ll be legal in Alabama any day now), it wasn't so back in the 1800s. Far from being sexual aids, these early forms of vibrators were said to have been used to treat 'female hysteria.' Because you're obviously wondering, well, 'female hysteria' was a recognized illness, and its treatment involved a qualified medical professional rubbing the woman's private parts till orgasm. If we never came we’d be hysterical too.
Funnily enough, because of doctors' complaints about boredom and wrist-aches, an American physician George Taylor invented a steam-powered version called the 'Manipulator' in 1869. If the name sounds intimidating, well, that's because the creation itself was daunting. It effectively consisted of an extremely jumpy steam engine with a phallic object attached. Unwieldy, and more importantly, not portable.
Think sex chairs were only invented recently to help increase our thrusting leverage? Think again. Meet the siege d’amour (the love chair), custom-made to fit the corpulent King Edward VII of England in the early 20th century so he could have sex with two women simultaneously without too much effort on his end. It's said that the chair was specially designed for the King's visits to the Le Chabanais in Paris, a french brothel. Kinky, kinky.
For some reason anal play still remains slightly controversial to talk about. But history proves our long-standing obsession with inviting pleasure in through the backdoor. The first (recorded) butt plugs can be traced back to 1893. Known as Dr. Young's Rectal Dilators, these were initially sold as medical devices–said to cure piles, acne, constipation, and insomnia, among other ailments. We’re willing to bet some other stuff ended up back there over the years, before they found a safe and healthy solution. Surprisingly, the outward appearance of butt plugs hasn't changed all that much since the 1800s.
Once upon a time – more specifically, 500 A.D. Japan - men inserted tiny metal balls into their penises to enhance their sexual pleasure. Women soon took note and created larger balls meant to be inserted into the vagina. The rest, as they say, is history–the feeling of free-floating balls massaging the vaginal walls turns out to be so arousing that these balls are also termed 'orgasm balls.' Neat, eh? They also help to strengthen the vaginal wall and pelvic muscles, often increasing the odds of squirting.
That's all for now. Aren't you glad we've come so far from rags, bones, and goat's eyelids? We're sure you are.
