Where and why will you get Arrested on Vacation?

Here on an "adult” cruise.

I’m not here on a cruise, but I am here to cruise.

Enjoying all the amenities my tax haven has to offer.

At an all-inclusive resort, a hat on my face, and the kids are probably fine.

At a luxury villa I rented on Airbnb with 5 of my friends.

An icon, a role model, a legend.

A karaoke staple.

Not my thing, but I respect Margaritaville as a Global Cultural Treasure.

My paddleboard partner.

I’m a cool dad, and I listen to reggae.

Very Likely

Somewhat Likely

I totally remember to buy it sometimes.

I always remember to buy duty-free liquor.

It has never occurred to me, but thanks for the tip.

Very judgmental and negative.

Supportive, if you know what I mean.

I hate clothes.

It depends on who is wearing them.

Not around my kids.

I’m snorkeling or swimming with dolphins.

It depends, but wherever I am, I am at a party.

Schmoozing at the bar.

I’m on the boat.

In my glass-bottomed bungalow, chatting with a mysterious local.

There’s a great beach at a great price.

It doesn’t matter where it is as long as I know I’ll have a good time.

It literally feels like heaven, but the kind you buy your way into.

Everything is as convenient as possible.

I’m on a cruise. I love cruises. I talk about them for a little too long all the time.

In the summer when the kids are out of school.

Usually on a long weekend or whenever a group of my friends all have time off.

Any weekend I want, not too far from home, on a regular basis.

At all times.

Every spring or fall, but ideally every spring and every fall.

Delivered by canoe.

Free.

We can make it ourselves (50/50 odds that we actually will).

We don’t eat at the hotel because there’s so much in town.

An unlimited buffet.

A little kid. I stole a candy bar and my mom made me bring it back.

When I was a teenager. It was thrilling and they knew I did it.

In college, as a part of organized fraternity activity.

I am an active white-collar criminal.

I don’t steal, but I do take the words “unlimited” on a menu way too far.

I let a friend launch a bottlerocket from my butt.

They finally caught me.

My vacation was so stressful it gave me a heart attack.

I was doing something too fun and awesome.

Of the buffet.

Where and why will you get Arrested on Vacation?

Close your eyes. Wait—keep reading. Imagine yourself on a warm, sandy beach with crystal blue waters. Are you

Jimmy Buffet is

Be honest with yourself. How likely are you to forget to buy duty-free liquor at the airport?

My feelings about speedos are

When I’m not at the beach

When I go on vacation I’m going where

I tend to take vacations

Hotel breakfasts should always be

The last time I stole something I was

If I die on vacation, it will be because